Friday, January 11, 2008

Who Know if I will Survive

I hadn't thought to share this story, but here goes. For Tamara.

Peyton is definitely our high maintenance child. Shey, well, he's newly 3 and acts it, but it's a normal 3, not a sly, cunning, whatever I can do to piss you off 3.

Peyton, well, I'm generally not sure what to do with him. He's slick, if you know what I mean. I worry a lot that if we don't get it under control now, he will be out of control later on. Not much works for him, though, in the form of punishment. Any sympathy he has for acting up, hurting one of us and so on, quickly fades.

Yesterday after work, I picked the boys up and we headed to Wal-mart to get a baby present, school supplies and some juice. The boys were acting pretty well behaved and we were moving through the store with little incident. Shey had picked out a Dora coloring page and we were keeping an eye out for something for Peyton as well.

As I got to the very back of the store, Peyton suddenly says, "I have to go to the bathroom." His eyes were big and he kinda grabbed himself. (Which is a WHOLE other story and one I will ask for suggestions on later, the grabbing, the incessint grabbing!) I asked him to hold on, we were almost done and the bathroom is at the front of the store, next to the registers.

He whined a bit about needing to go, but that he could probably hold it. I tried to finish up as fast as I could and we quickly walked to the front.

I couldn't find a register directly in front of the bathrooms (I would have sent him to the women's), so we walked past the clerks and went to stand in front of the restroom. I told him to go on in, I was going to wait with the stuff and Shey right outside the door (still the women's and there is no real door, per se). He got a funny look on his face and said, "I really didn't have to go. I just wanted a drink of water and I knew you wouldn't let me get one."

I was livid.

As calmly as I could, I told him, no, I wouldn't have come to the front for a drink of water, but you could have gotten one on the way out. He argued that some time in the past, he had asked for water and I denied him. The nerve of me, I know!

I further informed him that because he had lied, he would not be getting a drink of water, OR a toy. Well, that got his attention and his eyes welled up.

We marched back to the line as he tried to plead his case. Nope, not hearing it.

I really don't think he would have felt any shame for what he had done had I not mentioned the toy. I think it is his lack of remorse that bothers me the most. He really has become a disrespectful smart mouth, and I am afraid one day, I may just slap the smirk off his face.

Larry and I talk about it quite often, and we try to be more patient with him, not raise our voice and so on, but he can just be infuriating most of the time. Even when he is being sweet, he goes overboard.

I really don't want to use medication for him, if it was maybe necessary, but I wonder if it wouldn't slow his mind down enough that we could actually work with him and enjoy being his parents.


tamara said...

You know that I am feeling your pain. David can be manipulative, too, but Madalyn takes the prize in this family. Good luck! As for the grabbing of the genitals - it is just born in them. It is what makes them boys. They all do it. I just try to ignore it unless we are in public. Then I scream at him and make an ass of myself. That always helps.

Wonders said...

How old is he? The part about not feeling remorse is concerning...I'm sure there are some great books out there that may help you through this...good luck!

Dixie said...

My boy grabs himself too, I don't think they can help themselves. I just tell him not to do that because it's bad manners.

Betsy said...

Hey, stumbled upon you through Kristin T. I felt obligated to comment. I have a little fireball that will be 4 on Sat. I just wanted to say that I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am finally seeing the results of the last 3 years of struggling. Hang in there and be consistent I think that the bible promises us our hard work will not be for nothing! Remorse is not natural for most children, it has to be taught. You handled the situation perfectly-good for you!

Chelle said...

I think age has a lot to do with the behavior. I don't think remorse is an inate emotion; kids learn to take responsibility as they grow. You and Larry are doing all the right things as far as I can tell.

Of course, we both know how stellar my parenting has been lately so take anything I might say with a huge grain of salt.

The grabbing thing? Yeah, totally a boy thing. I think they are literally afraid that the penis will run off and leave them; can't let that happen.