After the miscarriage in January, I decided that I wanted to start fresh and find a totally new doctor than the two I had seen during that time. My original doctor, who had delivered both the boys, had really hurt my feelings with his seemingly indifference and dismissive nature and the doctor who found my miscarriage, well, she was a bit abrupt and abrasive and I just really didn't want to go back to that office and the memories it held.
My friend gave me the name of her gyn and I went a bit ago for the annual go around. We were discussing my history, my difficulties in getting pregnant with the boys, the low progesterone in January, etc and she listened and didn't rush me and while she remained professional, she didn't come across as hard. She told me, "You know, it probably wasn't a problem with your progesterone that caused issues with the baby, but rather a problem with the baby that caused your progesterone to remain low." And while I don't really want to think about the baby being defective, per se, it does help ease my mind that there really wasn't anything I could have done. It helps ease the thoughts of if only I would have started taking progesterone supplements right away. And while I always knew there was a Master plan, it does help confirm that that particular little one was better placed in His arms than mine.
My would be due date is a couple of days away and while the sting of the would be memories will always be there, they're a little less sharp now and I know one day when we meet again, our souls will seek each other out and know each other.