What I've Been Up To Lately . . .

- Almost going straight through a red light when only the turn signal changed to green.

- Pouring detergent and fabric softener in the washer then walking away before turning it on

- Becoming quite aggravated with a restaurant server when I tried to order a Summer Salad and he had no idea what I was talking about. When we pulled out the menu, it was actually a Strawberry Field Salad

- Specifically going back down the bread aisle to buy hot dog buns when I actually had hamburgers in the cart

- Setting the microwave for 20 minutes instead of the timer (Thankfully, I caught that one quickly)

- Throwing up and simultaneously peeing my pants (Go ahead and laugh, Larry and the boys do)

- Getting a positive pregnancy test and making it to 11 weeks.

- Seeing a quick peek of baby via ultrasound yesterday with a good, fast heart rate.

Something Beautiful

by Need to Breathe

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, I know I will have
No, I still won't have what I need

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful (fade out)

How Things Change

I remember in Junior High, some friends of mine discovered that a holiday named Yom Kippur was coming up. We thought it was a great sounding holiday and so fun to say, so we made signs and hung them up in our lockers celebrating Yom Kippur. I don't remember now if we ever looked up what the holiday really meant. I don't think so.

How funny when 15 or so years later, I met and fell in love with a Jewish man and now I really do "celebrate" Yom Kippur. I put it in quotes as Larry's family are not Orthodox and while practicing Jews use the Day of Atonement for fasting and praying, we just get together with his family and have dinner. Sometimes his parents will go to synagogue and his father may read prayers before dinner. It is very interesting to read about though.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I could make a great revelation about the holiday. How it would do us all good to take a day and reflect. But honestly, I'm really tired and my brain isn't thinking too clearly.

It just struck me this morning as funny. I was leaving the boys' dentist and the lady who checked us out said, "Have a happy holiday this weekend." and I automatically knew what she meant. That's life I guess. Always changing.

Dream

I know dreams never come across as weird and as real in the retelling, but I had to share the one I had last night.

I was at a police station (I won't even explain how I got there) and looked out the window and saw my friend, Suz, so I went outside to chat. She was very pregnant and lifted up her shirt to show me her belly. It was opaque, like a balloon and I could make out the little hands and feet of the baby and then I noticed something really weird, the baby was dressed. As in had a diaper on and clothes. In her stomach.

When I questioned Suz about it, she nonchalantly replied, "well, yeah, he came out a few weeks early, so I put him back. Once I got the head and one shoulder in, the rest just followed."

I thought for a minute about all the things one would think in that situation and then just walked back into the police station. Apparently, even my dreaming brain couldn't wrap around that one.

A Peace Offering

After the miscarriage in January, I decided that I wanted to start fresh and find a totally new doctor than the two I had seen during that time. My original doctor, who had delivered both the boys, had really hurt my feelings with his seemingly indifference and dismissive nature and the doctor who found my miscarriage, well, she was a bit abrupt and abrasive and I just really didn't want to go back to that office and the memories it held.

My friend gave me the name of her gyn and I went a bit ago for the annual go around. We were discussing my history, my difficulties in getting pregnant with the boys, the low progesterone in January, etc and she listened and didn't rush me and while she remained professional, she didn't come across as hard. She told me, "You know, it probably wasn't a problem with your progesterone that caused issues with the baby, but rather a problem with the baby that caused your progesterone to remain low." And while I don't really want to think about the baby being defective, per se, it does help ease my mind that there really wasn't anything I could have done. It helps ease the thoughts of if only I would have started taking progesterone supplements right away. And while I always knew there was a Master plan, it does help confirm that that particular little one was better placed in His arms than mine.

My would be due date is a couple of days away and while the sting of the would be memories will always be there, they're a little less sharp now and I know one day when we meet again, our souls will seek each other out and know each other.