Thank you

Well, this is hard. Instead of going into all the heartbreaking details, I really just want to say a heartfelt thank you. Thank you for your prayers and your thoughts. Thank you for your e-mails and your telephone calls. Thank you for everything. It helped to know I wasn't alone.

What was Happening Tuesday o/k/a Hey! We're Pregnant!

On Wednesday, December 30, I decided it was time to stop messing around and just take a pregnancy test already. I was having those tell-tell signs in my uterus and my boobs were huge and ow! did they hurt. No sooner did the pee pass that little square box that the first line popped up, even quicker than the control line. We were pregnant again!

After October's heartbreak, I was a little more weary of getting too excited, but it was hard not to since the line came up so fast. Over the next week, I took 3 more tests and they all came up just as quickly. Last Wednesday, I went in to the doctor for the initial blood work to see what my hCG and progesterone levels were. I wasn't too worried because of all the positive home tests, but went ahead with the tests to confirm. My doctor called me on Wednesday and said that my progesterone was really low (a 6 and they like it to be at least 15) and my hCG was 2,200. He said the hCG was low too and put me at 4 weeks 5 days, even though I thought I was about a week ahead. I didn't get too concerned because my progesterone was low with Peyton as well and as far as the hCG goes, everything I read showed such a wide range that I was curious as to how he came up with such an exact date.

So anyway, I was prescribed progesterone supplements and told to go in Friday morning for repeat blood work. I didn't hear anything from the doctor's office until Tuesday morning when the nurse called at 8:45 that morning. Almost verbatim, this is what she said,

"You hCG came back at only 2,800 and since it is so low, Dr. A said this isn't a viable pregnancy. He wants you to go in for an ultrasound today to make sure it's not ectopic. Stop the progesterone and also, you'll need to go in next week for more blood work to make sure your levels are continuing to decrease."

AS you can imagine, my world just crumbled. I shut the door to my office and cried and cried. After I calmed down a bit, I started praying. And I know it's easier to say this now, but somehow I thought everything would be ok. I wouldn't have been surprised if things weren't, but I was really expecting them to be.

Somehow, I made it to the hospital for the ultrasound without going crazy and they were able to get me right in. Larry was there with me just hanging out in the background trying not to get in the way. Because I am so early, they had to do the ultrasound (TMI!) transvaginally, which is AWKWARD and then I'm trying to look sideways at the screen without just craning my neck.

As soon as the nurse got to where she should be I saw a flicker. I felt my heart start to race, but I was trying to maintain control. Then she zoomed in and there was little peanut, looking just like s/he should with their little heart beating away. I squeaked out, is that the heart beat? The tech looked at me and smiled and nodded quickly and then I lost it. Poor Larry wasn't sure what was going on. He said he saw the heartbeat too, but wasn't sure if it was where it was supposed to be and I was bawling, so he moved up to my foot and said, "Is it ok?" The tech nodded towards me, cause you know they aren't supposed to tell you anything and I just nodded too.

The tech told me she couldn't say anything especially in light of my blood work, but she hinted that everything looked fine. She also asked how far along I was and when I said, between 6 and 7 weeks, we're not sure, she said, well, you are measuring 6 weeks 4 days. So that was perfect too. So much for my doctor thinking I was measuring behind.

Obviously, I'm not stopping the progesterone and I'm about done with blood work. My doctor still wants me to go in next week for more, but I haven't decided if I am or not. I know we aren't out of the woods as with all pregnancies, but I am trusting that God is watching over this little one and all will be fine.

I can't thank you guys enough for all your prayers on Tuesday. I love Facebook. Such an amazing way to reach your prayer support on such a quick basis! Please still keep us and Kristin in your prayers!

And because you made it through all that, here are some pics from the holidays. Finally.

Needing a Bigger Bed

There are so many schools of thought and opinions when it comes to the subject of the "Family Bed." Some people say absolutely not. Some share their bed with their kid for years. I never try to argue with anyone when it comes to the sleeping arrangements of their household. I know what has worked for us and Larry and I are both good with that.

We've always pretty much had an open bed policy. When Peyton was a baby, he slept with us a lot. I would put him to sleep in his crib, but he was a notoriously horrible sleeper and generally in the middle of the night would end up in our bed. When I was pregnant with Shey, I was too tired to fight the bed battle, and he even started out the night in our bed. We eventually moved him to a big boy bed and the nightly visits dwindled dramatically, but then we had another new baby who crept into our bed.

Now that Peyton is older and roughly the size of a grown adult (hello, giant child!), his treks into our bed have all but diminished. He'll still come in sometimes in the early mornings, but it's rare.

Shey though still sneaks in pretty regularly. Thankfully, he has learned to go to Larry's side, so while Shey is becoming a horrible bed buddy, at least I'm not aware of it. Well, until the three of us all end up on my quarter of the bed.

Sometimes though, like early, early this morning, BOTH boys worm their way in and we all fight for a spot to lay.

I know these times are rapidly coming to an end, and while I may bitch about the lack of sleep, I can't help but love the time we are all together. I feel like with Larry and I working full time and the boys being so busy with sports and school, that nighttime, even when we are asleep, is a time we can all reconnect. I hope the boys remember these snuggle sessions with fondness and know that even when their parents are fussing at them, that there was also so much love that we sacrificed our sleep for them. And Lord knows, as well as most my friends and family, how much I LOVE my sleep!

And when they come out with an Emperor size bed, we will be the first in line!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

It's funny the things you remember and that stick with you over the years. Little inconsequential conversations that play through your mind when certain external forces bring them to the forefront of your thoughts.

One little memory of mine that always surfaces when it is cold outside is from elementary school. I think third or fourth grade during the winter months when we were all bundled up in our warmest coats walking across campus to the high school library. We ran into Mr. T, the chorus and Bible teacher, outside and he was dressed in a thin long sleeve shirt, with a sweater vest, a woolen cap and a cup of coffee. I'm not sure who started the conversation with him, but someone asked, "Aren't you cold?" Mr. T, who always appeared to know everything, told us wisely that as long as your hands, feet, chest and top of your head were warm, that the rest of you would be too. He explained how the heat escaped from these extremities and made you feel colder.

(I wonder if that is how football players stay warm in the sub-zero temps? Their helmets and padding keep their heads and chests warm and most of them wear gloves for their hands. Just looking at their bare arms makes me shiver.)

I wonder why that conversation with a high school teacher on a cold winter day made such an impression on me that I've remembered it all these years? Now I have a hard time remembering what I did last week. ha

We had a great, relaxing holiday season. Not too crazy with no big plans. Actually, the most exciting thing that happened was Peyton finally decided he was ready to learn how to ride his bike and once the decision was made, within 10 minutes, he was off on his own. Turning and stopping and starting, acting like he had been riding for years. It's been so long since he learned something new like that that I had forgotten that Peyton has to make up his mind before he does anything, but once he does, it just comes to him. He caught on so easily that Larry and I just stared, amazed at him. He can be such a great kid. I pray that I show him that on a daily basis even when he is trying my patience to the limit.

I'll try to remember to bring in my camera to work so I can post some pictures tomorrow.