Friday, September 27, 2013

Imagine

Imagine waking up one morning to your coworker's foot in your face. She got scared in the middle of the night, so she drove to your house and thought it would be ok to climb in bed with you. Then imagine walking down the hall to find that two additional coworkers thought it would be swell to sleep in your guest room. They needed breakfast and a ride to work.

Imagine driving to work as your coworkers pushed and pinched each other while calling out various and asunder bad names. You think it will be ok and you can get through it because soon you'll be at work and you can shut your door and work on that important project coming up.

Your coworkers have other plans.

You start the work scheduled for the day, but the first interruption occurs, "Milk, milk, MILK!" You get the milk and return to your job, but while you were fixing the glass of milk, your coworker thought it would be funny to delete a few paragraphs of the report you were writing. You breathe a heavy sigh, and retype the words. The background fades as you become immersed again in your work.

But another coworker needs help with their project and won't you stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW and help them? Never mind the fact that it is their work and they should have gotten help earlier in the day. You stop and try to be patient, but you haven't done this part of the job in at least 20 years, so things are a little foggy. After doing some research, you finally figure it out and the coworker is happy, or at least not mad anymore.

As you return to your work, another coworker comes in and it seems he's having bathroom issues and would you please come and wipe his bum?

You decide to be nice and take your coworkers to lunch, but they have trouble agreeing where they want to go. A place is finally picked and food is ordered. One coworker has issues sitting still though and prefers to climb all over your lap or run around the restaurant. You spend most your lunch trailing behind him.

After lunch, you continue to work, but your coworkers are having a party and screaming very loud. You put a slideshow on for them for entertainment, but then immediately feel guilty because shouldn't they be working instead?

The end of the day finally rolls around and you think you've actually gotten something accomplished before realizing that another coworker colored all over your walls and threw trash all over your floor. You hurriedly clean up before your boss walks in and get ready to go home.

You think you can maybe relax NOW, but your coworkers have nowhere to go, so they decide to come eat dinner with you, and can they bring some friends along? THERE IS NO ESCAPING THIS.

The evening rolls along much like the day as your coworkers don't like what you've prepared for dinner and they voice this opinion very loudly. And again with the screaming.

As you finally get everyone settled into bed, you receive a telephone call. It's your boss letting you know that there's been an issue and you are no longer getting paid for your job, nor is any payment coming anytime soon. He hangs up without even saying thank you.

And tomorrow you get to do it all over again.




(This should go without saying, but here it is, I love staying home, I don't want to go back to work, but I just needed to get this out.)

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