Mother's Day

More and more, I catch myself doing something and thinking, "that's just like mom." Larry sees it too. He has taken to calling me P.O.O. or Product of Ora. And you know, I am ok with that.

I love you, mom.

Goodbye

Tomorrow, I say good-bye to 31.

Not sure why I am so weirded out by this. I got through 30 ok once it happened. 31 wasn't so bad. But, for some reason, I'm slightly wigging about 32. It may be that the years just keep going and going, faster and faster. I get carried away sometimes with the numbers.

I've been living in Florida for a third of my life. I have been driving longer than I wasn't driving. When I've lived double my life now, I will be 64. And then I think about how fast my life has gone so far and I know the next 32 years will fly by too.

I know age is just a number and all that good jazz, but really it's not. There are things you can get away with at 25 that you can't at 35. Maybe it's just a vanity thing, but I look at pictures of me even 5 years ago and I look so much younger, more fresh faced, less tired. I don't want to be a teenager again. I think I would like to relive my 24th year though. ha ha Right after I lost 20 pounds and before I was pregnant with Peyton.

I think I am just feeling blah lately. We leave on Monday for our cruise. 8 days and nights in the Western Caribbean. Belize, Costa Rica and Panama. I. Can. Not. Wait. I think 8 days of not much responsibility will do me good. Time to just hang with my family and friends. Have a frosty beverage or two.

See ya on the flip side!

Lost Generation

Sunday, our pastor was talking about the huge increase our church has experienced over the last several months, specifically in the 20's and 30's. The increase in that age group is impressive as our generation is known as the Lost Generation. It seems many of us grew up in the church, but fell away.

I thought it was interesting how a whole generation can share the same mindset, or variations thereof. While I may not be an all out generation x'er who bucks the system in every way, I can definitely feel the restlessness and wistfulness of our age. Is it because so much was given to us in such a short amount of time? The explosion of technology, which connects us in so many ways, but in some ways leaves us without tangible relationships.

We fight the rigidness of past generations, but then we are left floundering without any boundaries.

I Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.


I think though, once we get it together, our generation will be great. We will be real. We will be bold.

Why, Hello There!

It's gotten to the point that it has been so long since I have written that too much has happened to catch up on. I read all four of the Twilight series books in less than two weeks, plus saw the movie. Thanksgiving was great. We had about 20 people at our house between all the family and friends. Mom and Dad came into town for the long weekend and we had a lot of fun shopping, going to the beach and watching football. Sunday, my training buddies and I completed 10 miles. CRAZY! We've had a long bout of nice cool weather, longer than anything last year and I think already colder. Global Warming and all that. And last, but not least, Peyton started soccer practice tonight and he has his first game on Saturday. Whew.

So, I will try to stay better on top of things, but I can't promise. Work is crazy busy and we have a holiday party a weekend from here till we leave for Alabama for Christmas, plus Shey's party this Saturday afternoon that I need to order the cake for and get party favors and decorations. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Just Breathe.

Girlfriends

Yesterday about 11:00 am, I received a telephone call from one of my friends asking if I wanted to go see Sex and the City with her and another friend. Always game for a night out, I negotiated with Larry to watch the kids and started a flurry of texting to our other two friends asking them.

Before I comment on the movie, can I just say how happy I am with our life right now? When Larry and I first moved to Florida together, we had a group of 4 couples that hung out together and had a lot of fun. Two of the couples moved and the remaining one we just don't see that often and Larry and I were sad. About 5 years went by before we really connected with anyone else. Lately though, through various work stuff and my scrapbooking group, we have once again gathered a group of 4 couples. All of us have kids of varying ages and we all get along really well. Our house has become the meeting place and almost every Saturday night, the eight of us plus kids will grill or order out and have a grand old time.

The three wives and a couple others were with me last night for the movie. It was just really nice and I hope the first of many girl's nights we get to have.

As far as the movie goes, if you are a fan of the show, go see the movie! Yes, it was a bit of an extended episode, but really, what would you expect? The dynamics though between the four characters are just so great and they stick together like girlfriends should. The 2 hours and 15 minutes didn't drag at all and there were many tears and laughter throughout. Two cosmo glasses up for me!

Update -Part 2

I was going to head up to the hospital this afternoon, but Peyton was sick this weekend and Shey is snotty now, as well as I don't feel that great either, so it's probably best I don't go. I feel really bad about it though.

Jim is progressing well. They took him off the ventilator earlier this week. With that, they quit sedating him so he is awake more, but then he gets tired easier as well. They have been doing dialysis to help his kidneys out, but the doctors have said that this doesn't mean it will be a permanent thing, but rather there is so many toxins and fluid in his body that the kidneys just can't process it all.

I spoke with his girlfriend a little bit ago and they had brought a walked in for him to stand for a minute, so that is really good news. I even got to talk to him. He sounded really slow, but was appreciative of all the prayers. After we hung up, I cried.

I am so quick to distance myself from situations and people that are hurting so I stay neutral. I remember one time when I was still in Alabama and Larry had come into town to see me. We went with my parents to the lake and I was almost ignoring him. Mom made a comment about me doing the distancing thing then and I didn't even realize it. I'm there but I'm not at the same time.

It's hard though with this. Someone brought in a big (huge) teddy bear and it is sitting in Jim's office. Every time I see it, it hurts.

Please continue to pray for him. Pray that he continues to improve and pray that his attitude remains good. Pray for his daughter and son too. They lost their mom four years ago to cancer in the same hospital Jim's at now. I can't even imagine.

An Update

I've spent the last three days in the ICU waiting room and now Peyton is home sick, so I haven't been in the office at all.

Monday, my boss, Jim, went in to have his hip replaced. This was being done because in January, when he went in to have the right hip done, the doctor didn't account for the difference in the new hip and the hip he had replaced about 3 years ago, so his legs were about 3/4 of an inch off. (He's only 52)

So anyway, Jim decided that he would rather have the old hip redone because the technology has improved so much in the past few years. During the initial surgery on Monday, the doctor told his girlfriend, Linda, that they had to give him some extra blood, but the surgery went well and he was in recovery. A little while later, Jim started complaining that his stomach was bothering him and his blood pressure started fluctuating greatly.

They knew he was bleeding somewhere, but they didn't know where. They took him for a CAT scan, but it didn't show anything. Finally about 2:30 in the morning, they took him back in to surgery. They went in through his stomach and when they opened him up, his stomach cavity was full of blood. They also found that the artery in his leg, the one that brings the blood up from the leg back to the heart had about a four inch section missing out of it. The artery was so mangled that they couldn't repair it and instead tied it off to stop the bleeding.

They had to give him 20 units of blood, apparently, the body only contains 8-10 pints, so he was losing it rapidly. Later the vascular surgeon said that he shouldn't have survived and they had to bring him back a couple of times.

Due to that amount of blood they had to give him, his organs shut down and his body had to accept and process the extreme amount of fluids they were giving him. Thankfully, it appears most of his organs are fully functioning, with his kidneys lagging behind, but they are hopeful they will recoup as well.

The blood doctor is happy so far that his body is acclimating to the new blood and is starting to coagulate and act as it should. He is still heavily sedated, with a ventilator, but he knows we are there and is aware enough to look around at us and squeeze our hands or gesture with his.

For now, he is stable, and they are watching his leg very closely. The hope is that the other capillaries and veins will take over the circulation in his leg. Right now, they have two slits cut into his leg along the sides to aid in getting all the fluid out. His poor hands and feet are so swollen. Wednesday, his stomach was also really swollen, but it had gone down a lot yesterday.

We are thankful to God that he is still alive and I know it is because of all the hundreds of people praying for him, even those who don't know him. I thank you.

My Stained Glass Masquerade

I'll admit that after reconnecting with some of my high school (and even further back) friends lately on blogger, that I have censored my posts and the information I offer to the blogging community. We went to a small private Christian school and it was an automatic response to keep certain traits and habits hidden. And while I feel I have grown tremendously in the past couple of years in my efforts to reconnect with my upbringing, there are still some activities that I do partake of and hold on to that don't coincide with the 75% of me that is trying to live a more Godly life.

All that being said, there is one habit I am ready (although maybe not all the way willing) to ditch and I am going to put it out there for your prayers and accountability.

I started smoking (cigarettes, not the other) when I was 18 and have continued to do so more on than off the past 12 years. I stopped when I was pregnant and then stupidly picked it back up again after having each boy. I've never been a heavy smoker, 3 maybe 4 a day, and if I needed to, I could go days to a week without having one and be fine, which really just makes it even sillier that I keep it up. I rarely buy my own, content to bum off my friends around me and give them money, or buy their coffee instead.

I only smoke at home when we have friends over, but Peyton is definitely old enough to be influenced and remember it now, so it is time for me to be an adult and quit. If not for my own health, then for my kids.

I haven't had one since Friday, but I also haven't felt well this week, so it's been easier. In a few days when I have my energy back and I'm bored, stressed, or whatever at work, I know I will think "one won't hurt."

So that's it, all out there for everyone to see. And no, while it's not the worst habit in the world, like crack or whatever Amy Winehouse is on, it's not the best either. Please send your thoughts and prayers this way, I'm going to need them.

Being a Grown-up

After talking with Tamara about their refinance, I started thinking that Larry and I should do the same. We have a 30-yr mortgage and an equity line that I wanted to consolidate. I kept putting if off though just because it's one of those things that's just a pain, you know.

Today I finally called our mortgage company and I'm so glad I did. It was super-easy as we are already customers and it got all the inital stuff done over the phone in about 20 minutes. Plus, we're going to save about $500.00 a month. Hallaleuh!

I feel like such a shmuck now for putting this off for so long, but now that it's in the works, I feel like such a responsible adult. Like, wow, I really am a grown-up. ha ha

Anyway, yay me!

(ok, spellcheck is not working, so I apologize for any misspellings.)

Kindergarten is for the Birds

First off, thank you everyone who left comments yesterday and are keeping me in your prayers. I feel better today, not quite so lost, or alone, so the prayers are working.

Aannnndddd, now that I know not only my friends from high school are reading, but their mothers as well, no more drug crazed orgy stories for you! (Don't bother searching Google users, it was just a joke.)

Seriously though, I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers and I am so very glad that our little chorus group has reconnected!

---

eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen

These are the words that Peyton's KINDERGARTEN reading teacher sent home last night for a SPELLING test on Monday. I really don't even know how to begin teaching my son how to spell these words. I mean, really, twelve? How many five year olds know that tw make the twah sound?

I'm planning on making him sit some each day to write a couple of the words, but again, five years old, we all know the attention spans of this age. I know they are not graded, but I just hope he doesn't feel bad for not being able to spell them all.

I hate to see what first grade will be like.

East to the West

I could listen to Casting Crowns "East to the West" on repeat all day long. They will be here in February and I really wanted to go to the concert, but Mom had a wedding they were commited to and my friends here that I know listen to Christian rock are planning a wedding and can't afford the extra expense. Anyhoo, maybe Way FM will give tickets away and I can win some.

Pretty much all of Casting Crowns' songs strike a nerve within me and "East to the West" is no exception. It's so incredibly hard to live in an area where none of our close friends are church goers and having a husband that is Jewish. Larry's gone with me to church, but he's just not comfortable there. I never appreciated how difficult it was for mom to take me alone week after week until I had the kids and got myself together enough to find a church home.

Tamara and I were talking the other day about those videos they would show us in high school about drug addicts and the like hitting rock bottom and finding Christ. I remember at the time, and even sometimes now, envying them in their struggles because they had something in their life that was so difficult that they had to rely on their faith and the changes in their life were so drastic.

I know this is silly and immature and I don't wish heartache on myself or my family. My personal demon is waiting for a huge sign when I should be listening for the whisper. To know that even though I don't feel the change, that it is being made within my life and my children are benefiting more than I could ever know.

And a Happy New Year to You

I must say that I have been blessed in that I have never faced a new year thinking "wow, this past year just sucked" and this year is no exception. Of course, there are always the stresses that plague everyone, but life keeps moving and I try to remember that. I tell myself that a lot, "This too shall pass." And sometimes with the help of meds, it does.

2007 was a big year, Larry and I both turned 30, I got uplifted boobs, Peyton started kindergarten, there were no hurricanes that affected us, we remodeled our bathroom and installed new wooden floors, the list goes on and on. For 2008, we hope to quit adding to our debt, the boys and I are going to make it to church more, and we're turning the office into a weight room. Larry won his fantasy football league for the second year in a row, so that money will come in handy with the last endeavour.

If nothing else, I want to slow down, attempt to enjoy my children more, and just appreciate life. That, of course, will be the biggest task of all.

All Bubbly Inside

Today when I went to the school to help my reader, T, the first thing she asked me was, "Where were you last week?" I explained about my grandfather dying and that I had to go to Alabama for a few days. She understood, but I was a little annoyed that her teacher hadn't let her know I wasn't coming. The annoyance was quickly overshadowed as I watched as T took an AR test, and then we decorated a couple of small trees that her teacher had brought in. She skipped around the room and complimented me on my mad decorating skills.

As the class came inside from recess and T went to her seat, the teacher stopped me and said with a big smile, "I don't know what you did, but T loves reading now. It's like night and day."

If that doesn't make your heart swell with happiness, I just don't know what will.

A Big Thank You

I spoke to my friend, Shannon yesterday and let me tell you, your prayers worked! She went in Tuesday for her biopsy and they ran blood work beforehand. Her doctor has a lab on site, so they were able to get the results quickly. Her white blood count is in normal range, so they didn't have to do the biopsy. She has to go in a couple of weeks for a retest, but are hopeful that switching her Lupus medication will be the answer to the low count.

Thank you so much!

And with that . . . NaBloPoMo is OVER!

Reconnecting

This afternoon I went and spent some time with my grandmother. She's been in a nursing home for about five months now and is really doing well there. Better, in fact, than she was this time last year.

Mom has been playing Uno and Chinese Checkers with her, so I stopped by the store and picked up Connect 4. Do you know how hard it is to let someone win Connect 4 without being totally obvious? Very. Also, my grandmother would win, but not realize it, and I couldn't point it out because that's just not the same. So, she would "win" a couple of times, but not notice it and we would keep playing til she did see the four red checkers in a row. But, oh, how nice it is when she does see the win. She would smile and point it out to me and I would mock surprise.

After a few games of Connect 4 and Uno, we went outside to sit on the porch. We talked for a bit, and just sat quietly for a while. It was nice and it's times like these that I am sad I live so far away.

The Funeral

This morning was the funeral and it was weird. My grandparents got divorced 22 years ago and my pappaw started another family with a woman who is 5 years older than my mom and had two children that were only a little older than I am. For a few years, I would go to visit them (they lived a couple of hours away), but as I got older and a couple of unpleasant visits, that came to an end. When I moved away from home and eventually to Florida, I would send cards for holidays, but I never received one in return. Mom would tell me happenings whenever she would talk to them, but that was rare as well.

The last time I saw my grandfather and his wife was two years ago.

It's strange, I still cared and loved him, but he has been out of my life for a long, long time, and when mom called me to tell me the news, I was actually surprised about how affected I was.

At the funeral, I felt like an outsider. Everyone kept pushing me to the front and telling me what a wonderful man my granddad was and all I could do was nod. He was wonderful to me, my favorite grandparent . . . 22 years ago.

I felt sad and was moved, especially by the military salute, but I wasn't distraught like his other family.

It was nice that my grandfather's sister and her family was there. I haven't seen them since I was a kid. We went to my cousin's house after lunch and stayed for a couple of hours. I really enjoyed it and I hope we stay in touch.

Most of all though, I'm glad today is over.

In Alabama

My mom called me early yesterday morning to tell me that my granddad passed away from a massive heart attack Wednesday night. I flew into town early this morning and the funeral is tomorrow morning.

It's a very confusing time for me. I'll have to write more on it later.

Asking for Prayers

On this day of Thanks, I am asking for prayers for my friend Shannon. Shannon has Lupus that she has been treating for over ten years and now her white blood count is really low. On Tuesday, she is going in for a bone marrow biopsy to determine what is causing the low count, one of the fears is that it is leukemia. Please pray that it is just her lupus getting worse, which even though not a great diagnosis, is better than the alternative.

Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your loved ones.

And the Hair has it

I almost had a cow and then a wreck when I glanced over to my left while driving home the other day. This photo does not do this man's head justice, but it was the best I could do without killing myself.

We had this friend, H in high school whose dad was going bald and he insisted on wearing the most awful fake toupee in the whole wide world (well, until I saw this guy). Everyone knew it was fake and we all giggled over it. There were a few times when we would show up at our friend's house unannounced and all we would see through the side window would be good old Stan flying through the house to his bedroom to plant his hair safely on his head.

H and one of our other friends nabbed the hair one time and took photos in it, which was quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.

A couple of years ago, at our reunion, H had some pictures of her family and Stan was there sans the hair!!. It was amazing how much better he looked.

So, here's to you, random old guy driving beside me, Rock on with your bad self!

Grey's

Watching Grey's Anatomy just isn't as much fun without your best friend.